Am I enough?

Sorry for the times I spoke about the course,

You needed to speak of your pain, of your struggle, of your fears,

I shied away and kept to the practical,

Scared that I did not have the words to care and support you.

I let you down and you fell.

Sorry for times I spoke over the top of your voice,

You needed to be heard, your voice was important and valued,

I was struggling with my own pain,

I feared the silence, I covered up my own struggle with a bright and happy face,

I let you down, you fell

Sorry for the times I listened to the authorities,

Implementing their strategies that victimized and hurt you,

You needed more time, time that did not exist,

There was no space left in your head for the things being asked of you

I needed to trust my own intuition, to find what would work for us,

You were let down and you fell.

You will hear not my words, for they are written for me,

To find my pathway back, to the inner worth of me,

My greatest wish is that your fall was momentary,

That you climbed back up on your own two feet, no longer reliant,

Knowing that when you fall there is always a way back.

Am I enough? I have to believe so.

I will let you down, I will be less than I can be at times.

But I care and I hurt and I want the best for all of you.

You are my students, I am your teacher.

I endeavor to lead the way and trust those inner voices more and more.

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The best and the worst.

“The worst”
…is where you allow any experience to annihilate the good in your life, you become negative, self destructive and drag all of those around you down too, leading to isolation and disconnection from self.

“The best”
…is where you allow any experience to expand and deepen your knowing of self and other, you are positive and connect on a spiritual, emotional and physical level with all those around you, connecting and lifting each beings experience to a more expensive level.

The choice is yours.

Context: four people in my family have undergone emergency surgery in the last 6 months, with various degrees of recovery and possibility of on going difficulties. My thoughts were about what is the worst possible outcome… Is it death? Or is there something worse that could create more harm and disharmony for this our life.

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Journey back from crunch point

When your child cries out,
No answers in sight,
Wisdom dries up,
Upon the desolate waves,
Of hopeless endeavour,
Solving a problem that is hidden,
Masked by the want,
To be normal and clever.

The interning string,
Of the universe collapsing,
Not a word can describe,
The emotional passion,
The shame of not lighting the eternal later,
The weakness in not facing the demons within,
The fears of a loss that the future begins.

Loss is not the end the beginning
Love is not the end the beginning,
Time elapsed in a nefarious way,
Undermining and disenchanting all that focus her way,
With each tick I will pledge to choose to do something new,
That unravels with precision
Expanding the view,
Without words to describe the experience,
I think,
I will simply take from the cup,
And heartily drink.

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Earth Air Water Fire

You are the Earth,
The physical being,
You are solid and dynamic,
You move, you are seeing.

You are the air,
Moving in, breathing out,
You propel the spirit of life,
Your spirit continues to grow strong.

You are the water,
Deep, full of feeling,
Emotions of love, fear, joy,
You are creating the dreaming.

You are the fire,
The energy thats burning,
Your focus creates possibility,
You’re dynamically interconnecting.

You are the Earth,
You are the Air,
You are the Water,
You are the Fire.

The four elements in balance,
Create a dynamic shift,
Annihilating the insignificant,
Centering the gift.

Peace reigns on high,
Angels dance, spirits lift,
When we consciously unite,
The elements otherwise adrift.

Blessings to each dimension,
May we learn to be conscious,
Unlocking secrets within us,
Then we step in to our purpose.

Seeing the connections,
Between you and me,
The Earth, the Universe,
As the way we need to be.

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No regrets

As I move through this life,
Connecting with the expanse,
I create all I am,
Near and in the future distance.

The spaces within,
Hold the energy of sacred,
Sparking the momentum,
For movement and creation.

There are moments gone by,
That I would change if not,
For the teaching and learning,
Hidden gifts in a trough.

With this wisdom growing,
I have sown the seeds,
To finding the inner peace,
Moving to freedom from disease.

For every moment of negativity,
Every I’ll thought I’ve had,
I let go my judgement,
Of self, or other souls.

Embracing the angelic,
That moves through us all,
Feeling the emotions,
Not investing in their worth.

So walls broken down,
To the oneness we all are,
Vibrating without limits,
Flowing universally throughout.

I accept no limitations,
I open to the light,
Investing in the dynamic journey,
No end to this life in sight.

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Chills of release ripple through her body,
Patiently she coaxes her mind to relax,
This moment lasts not an eternity,
Shifts and pivots tip forward and back.
The birds call out the Earth’s great song,
Her gentle thrum carrying them along,
Dapples of energy dance in her eyes,
As she watches the clouds, ever moving on.
Resting her weary body and mind,
Her soul rebalances her heart in this time,
Grounding into this physical Earth,
Creating a monument to her eternal birth.
With the gentle breath of holy fire,
She knows she has the strength for all she desires,
She connects deeply with the ancient woman within,
Dawning this day is the time to begin.

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Where?

Where do you come from,
Where do you go?
How do I get there?
How will I know?

Opening the box?
Finding the truth,
Does it exist?
Standing aloof.

Mind running rampant,
Seeking the Peace,
The quiet and resting,
No expectations revealed,

In that space and time,
The divine can be heard,
Revealing her message,
Of the peace in this world.

Energy fractured,
Leaking willfully away,
Draining the system,
No reprieve from this day.

Recovery ever distant,
Resisting the stars,
Radiance dulling,
Life seeming so far.

With care and diligence,
With the grit to persist,
One step in to each moment,
Being present is it.

Evidence of love,
Extending forth if you look,
Supporting each moment,
Connecting you in.

Curl not into a ball,
Fragment not you soul,
Dig into the beauty,
Stand ever tall.

This too shall pass,
The truth awaits,
The divine is ever communicating,
Quieten the panicked state.

This is just a glitch,
That cycles through your code,
It can be forgotten,
If you dare to unfold.

There is no return,
On this life you are leading,
Each moment manifests,
The next one presenting.

So walk with awe and wonder,
Create the zeal for the unknown,
Gratitude for the beauty,
The love that is down.

For those with no doubt,
Your life is of meaning,
It translates into love,
Connection through dreaming.

And when you awaken,
From the dream of your life,
You will cherish each vibration,
That guided your way.

The delight in the experience,
Will beckon you on,
Opening the door,
For your divine return.

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Hyper head

Hyper head,
Spinning,
Linking,
Connecting thoughts,
Creativity,
Winning,
Energy rising,
Nerve endings,
Zinging,
Heart opening wide,
Changing,
Giving.
Awakening starts,
Epsilon running,
Shooting,
Targeting,
Unanswered,
Questioning,
Voiding the start,
Cycling,
Demanding,
Withholding vacation,
Resting,
Relaxing.

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Other world

In an other world I long to be,
Escaping from each calamity,
Confrontation, defences acting,
Creating anguish, misery.
The other world holds me in its arms,
Guiding actions safe from harm,
Beauty flowing through every moment,
Energy tangible dynamic motion.
Feeling free I dance and sing,
I laugh and giggle with every whim,
The fires burn bright, in control,
The waters sparkle with depths on told,
Not a fear or anxiety anywhere seen,
Confidence and security to be all of me,
Friendships and connections are strong and retort,
There is no misunderstanding, feelings unhurt.
Lying in bed I wonder, I wish,
For this world of my making served as a dish,
How would I grow, what would I value,
Would I run amok as a child, no care, without you,
What would I honour, who would I be?
How would I stand tall resisting the enemy?
The other world, where there is no care,
Glimpses in our world filter through the night air,
Dreaming intermingled with the possibilities,
Of a life more simple, beautiful and carefree.

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Overthinking

Over thinking,
Destroying my Peace,
Chasing down dreams,
Unhinging my beliefs,
Dismantling my ideas,
Of self, love and drive,
Imploding within,
No place to hide.
Over thinking,
Over checking,
Never leaving it alone,
Unwrapping the dressing,
Hatching new lies to own,
Castling a veil,
Needing to be removed,
There is no hiding from vulnerability,
The feelings are real.
Leave what is not yours,
Send it straight back,
Closed minds are not open,
They rip you apart,
So spare not a second,
In someone else’s pain,
Place you hand forward,
Establish barriers, maintain.
Next if you own this,
Deep within, it is yours,
Then delve deep within,
Encourage your voice,
Speak up and take pleasure,
In learning to create the space,
For choice of decisions,
To grow into new space.

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