Marriage – the ongoing choice to Love.

Back in 1990’s my sister got married and it was a wonderful occasion to be a part of. I Love both her and her partner and they are still together. The Priest who married them spoke many words but I was struck by these…

Everyday you will have to make the Choice to Love the other person for your marriage to thrive

At the time I thought this was strange as surely once you Love someone, you always Love that person. As I have aged and experienced my own marriage I have learnt the wisdom of this sentiment.

Early days of Love it is so easy to choose to Love the person that you don’t even need to think; it’s the honeymoon period when you are both out to impress, have fun and are into each other’s lives. It is full of romance, the Love of simply being together, it all seems so new and exciting.

As the relationship goes on you begin to relax and although you may know of their imperfections you accept it as their uniqueness and although Love is still the easy choice many other aspects of life begin to creep in, mortgage, children, work, new hobbies, sports etc.

I have watched many friends go through the stress and tiredness of raising children and can see how this lack of energy and the hum-drum quality of life can start making the choice to Love harder. Being so busy Loving the children, working and keeping the household running can mean that their imperfections begin to manifest as annoyances, grievances may arise and the choice to no longer Love may begin to fester. You may question why you are no longer nurtured and Loved in the way you once were and need to be. Everyone is now so busy, when there is time to relax and enjoy time together there can be an overflow of negativity, arguments and switching off and these issues can hurt the relationship deeply.

Most people do not realize that they are making a choice each day. It is not an explicit choice, although it can be. It is the choice of where do you place your energy. Do you notice and focus on the things that annoy you about your partner? or do you focus on the aspects and qualities that are supportive, nurturing and Loving? By changing your focus and expressing gratitude for their positive attributes you can shift a negative relationship back to a positive one.

As you age and grow you significantly change. Your ideals, goals, focus, interests and needs can all shift. With your partner it would be lovely to think that you can grow always together along the same path. But the truth is there will be times where you grow separately at different rates, in different ways changing who each of you are in significant ways. A positive relationship means that the past relationship needs to be let go of, the positives and the negatives. Your relationship exists only in the now. And that is where the choice to Love needs to be made. When you are open to Loving and dealing with the issues in the relationship that is the most powerful time to bring in the support. A person such as psychologists can help with the healing of the past wounds to ensure that each person can heal and begin freely making the choice to Love the other each day of their Life.

A successful Marriage is not measured by time but by the commitment of both people to choose to Love each other, each Day.


About R Congues

Funny enough, this blog has become the expression of my hopes, dreams, love and experiences. It came about because of the situation I discovered I was in, and I am delighted to see it grow and heal into something different: I am a parent of two children, one who has experienced severe anxiety that became disabling in all aspects of their life. I am a teacher of Maths, Science and Religious Education with a Masters in Special Needs Education; I am a qualified Reiki master, with a love of art and creative experience. I am not a professional in the fields of psychology or medicine. (If you are interested in these perspectives there are many internet sites to use.) I am simply expressing my experience in my own unique way.
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