There was a time not so long ago, only a couple a years when I lived with so much fear. I remember waking my sons up to check they were okay during a major storm in Hawaii! I had never seen anything like it before…it was the kind that film makers use just before the main character is attacked by a crazed lunatic with a knife! So I was scared! My gorgeous husband seems soothed by storms and slept blissfully through. So I slept in my sons room, a waking sleep, continuously woken by the lightning and thunder. This was not the main reason for my fear. The health of my son and his complex issues meant that I was not certain he was able to cope with life. Yet this time seems to have been a shifting point in his journey and in mine.
Recently we have begun attending family events as a family unit… this is a huge shift and one that I am celebrating. Standing on the mountain top and singing my thanks! There is so much Joy in connecting as a family and it gives me such hope for this year ahead, and beyond. Dinner with my sister and her husband, a burger shop, eating at benches on the street, my son paying for the meal (he had cash and we will reimburse him!) and the laughter and lightness was delightful.
There is two certainties in life…death and change! I have held on to the belief that the one certain thing I know is that things will change. And delightfully my family have changed and the seeds of hope and promise of the future have taken root and grown. Where we end up, how the relationships will grow, I do not know. But I am not buying in to worrying about that, I am instead investing my time in nurturing what is growing and sowing more seeds of joy, happiness, laughter and Love.
Dark times are filled with darkness, but there is always a glimmer of light. If you can’t find it, find someone to help you and plant the seeds, they always grow towards the light and help feed the spirit and soul, so that the tomorrows can be greater than you ever hoped. The energy is shifting. I’m not really sure what is to come, I feel a different person to who I once was. The uncertainty is exciting and I continue walking my path knowing that what I am is what I need to be. I Love my family dearly and cherish every happy moment no matter how few and far between they have been. And I know that there is the possibility of great happy moments in the future…I will continue sowing the seeds.