Cold chills run down her back, as she contemplates all that has come to be. She worries about the harm done. It can not be taken away. She brings herself into a seated position, she throws her arms forward and hunches into a slump. It is done. How much more can she take? She knows she is coming to the end of her reasoning. Defense is no longer a strong position. Her words fall heavily upon her own deafened ears. Defeated she breathes, one breath at a time. This is all she can do. Time simple must pass her by, as she waits for the consequences to begin.
Her fingers begin to dance, upon the music within the air. The silence is almost deafening, but within it the energy of lightness and hope begin to twirl. The heaviness begins to move from her shoulders and neck. There is a seeping right through to the Earth of all her hopes and regrets. Still cold and un-moving a small light flickers within, the un-extinguishable flame burns, subdued behind the turmoil of her thinking and actions. If only…I should have… she beats herself up, she wants to be more, but instead calls herself every name under the sun. Who would want to be with me, I am of no value, I am worthless….
The light within seems even more dulled, but a gentle breeze of cold stirs bringing her back into the world of the Living. Ancestors of old swirl unseen about her, strengthening her resolve to step forth once more. Her nose itches, a scratching from the past, a memory of a Loved being of light; she cannot resist and moves her hand, it is a beginning and she knows that she can move on, step forth and re-new her life. She calls upon her angels, her guardians, her totems, she knows not if the really exist, but it strengthens her and she feels less alone. I surrender, I am ready with your help, God, to move forward. I know not where i am going or what I am to do, but wherever I am lead I will do my best to fulfill whatever role I take on.
She feels small, and diminutive in the energy that exists here on Earth. She trusts the path beneath her feet, yet stumbles, blinded by the not knowing. Fear circles her waist, she accepts that it is present and breathes deeply as she steps forth again. She knows she will stumble, perhaps even fall, and at times, many times will need to rest again, but for now she keeps going. Reaching out to others along the way, knowing she is not on her own these days. She expresses her thoughts through words, paint and art, and hopes that she is enough. She sees the beauty and holds on to the miracle of each day, hoping that it too is enough.
Scratching her head and feeling the pain reminds her that she is alive. The spectrum of all feeling run through her and she opens her eyes. Sometimes she feels so alive and at one with the Earth and the Light within. Today she feels dull, alone and afraid, she doubts her worth. There is a time and space for every experience and she knows that the one truth we all face is that “everything changes”. She is happy with that and vows to continue this life one step at a time, on the inspiration of Hope and the support of Love. She will continue to question herself, more gently and with greater kindness. She sill practice forgiveness and self-care so that she can continue her path.
She heads for a shower to cleanse the negativity away and to awaken the senses to the beauty of the day. Her shoulders still feel tight, but they will relax as she finds the space to be peaceful and quiet upon the Earth. She will make it, she has determination and strength to face the challenges that lay before and behind her. She knows that she will discover the traps that have restricted her growth and by doing that she will find the beauty within and soar upon the Eagles wings.