When your very existence is challenged by the plight of those you Love being stretched beyond human capacity…where do you go, how do you find meaning, where is there a point to living. Pain ensues and you have a choice. To be present to the pain, live it experience the gut wrenching sadness, anger and fear or to shut off, detach and survive, praying that you make it through the next step mindlessly and in a state where perhaps you can cope.
Being present to the pain sends shivers through my whole being. Who would chose this? Who would want to experience that turmoil, confusion and become so vulnerable that you feel as if you will die? Yet the path of detachment comes with the burden of detaching not only from the pain but also the pleasure, the spark that illuminates the darkness. Detachment can lead to depression, the pushing down, minimising and shrinking of all human experience of feeling. Who would reject the pleasures in life? Who would choose not to experience the flight of Love, excitement, Joy…?
This choice isn’t a catch 22. It’s not about winning and losing, or the right and the wrong path. It’s not about spiritual-ness. It’s simply about that choice we make each moment of the day. Some days everything gets too much and we are so strongly connected to events we are battered down into vulnerability and experience an overload of emotion that comes pouring out. Other times we feel strong and able to experience the emotions, with a healthy expression of sadness, grief, fear and all other aspects. Yet other days we jump into bed and switch off on the world; Some people use a book, a game, social media….to avoid experiencing the emotions. That is what it is… Neither good nor bad. My hope is that people are aware of the choice they are making and the consequences that may occur as a result of staying stuck for too long.
I sometimes become stuck for too long, unable to express my emotions; they feel uncomfortable, like a sweater that has shrunk in the wash (probably because I have minimised them so much in the past). They don’t fit who I think I am and who I want other people to see me as. There are also in my mind consequences for expressing emotions that are on the unpopular list…anger, sadness, grief… and many people I have met either don’t want you to express them, or are of the opinion that if you express gratitude and be present to the moment those emotions will simply be let go of and you will step into spiritual happiness…okay, I’ve gone too far, Gratitude and being present are both incredibly worthwhile and can help to shift the energy of the emotion. However they are superficial in many ways. Our emotions are important and expressing, witnessing and experiencing them is vital to being a healthy person. They are there for a reason; but there doesn’t seem to be the space in this world currently to express how you feel . Everyone is too busy, there is a whirlwind of energy, a vortex sucking away the space we need to live a healthy life.
So where do you find the space? Is it on a walk, in the car, is there someone you can really let down the barriers and be vulnerable with. Experiencing pain is not easy, it is personal and unique for each person and I think this is perhaps the crux of the answer. The universe is expanding, there is movement and energy flowing through every atom and dimension of space. We are made up of unique atoms and space that too has unique energy flowing through it. We too are expanding. We sometimes call it growth, enlightenment, but perhaps at a really tangible level we are simply expanding along with the universe and as such the energy of emotion that flows through us changes it’s frequency and pitch and as a result we too change and feel uniquely on this journey of life.
Where to from here?
*Know that each moment you make a choice as to whether you engage with your emotions or not. That is your choice. Neither is good or bad.
*When depression hits it is perhaps because there are emotions wanting to be expressed that have been minimised and barely acknowledged.
*Find a space to be in where you can be vulnerable and express your emotions as a healthy human.
*Know that there is certainty that things will change; the universe continues to expand and you are there too for the ride.