Upon her pillow she lies in wait,
Ever elusive, intangible and late.
The mattress supports the stillness within
She moves not an inch, she cannot begin.
Eyes that are closed, chemicals pounding,
She despises her weakness, she succumbs to her fate.
With a deepening sigh, she relaxes her muscles,
Giving in to the demons, that lie in her wake.
Taunted by lovers, who ignore her needs,
She rolls into the corner, shrinking her being.
The demands never leave her, to be what she isn’t,
Strong, Courageous, loving and Giving.
Coldness seeps through her pores, she knows not why,
Attention is sought by all that Love and need her.
She mechanically pretends to be more than she is,
Embracing with much gentleness her own frailty within.
Spiralling as galaxy, across the endless space
She no longer recognises the long drawn face
The photos remind her of all that she once dreamed
Where is she now…Is the hope of once again being?
So walking the trek up mountains and through valleys,
She trusts in God’s wisdom, that this path of hers matters.
That somewhere, somehow the light will brighten her day,
Melting the shield that protects her in every way.
Clawing to life she starts to see changes,
Hope still exists, whilst fragile and unstable.
Seeking help and moving more, there seems to be less waiting,
The chemicals dissipate so slowly, it appears to be failing.
Persisting with great determination, sometimes she makes head way,
Then feels herself slipping backwards, she’s aware and unveiled.
This is the path of the darkest night,
Taunting and unending, dim and of great fright.
She knows in her heart that change always abounds,
Her desire to step forth and embrace it all is greater, she once more grounds.
And so the tango of a return to wellness continues,
She gently steps forward with her heart and offers her forgiveness.
Open and willing she will return from this fight,
And with support, Love and creativity she will regain her life.
One filled with laughter and Joy, Dancing and Singing,
Beauty and Divinity, this is only the beginning.
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